okay, small victory: i bought a scale. here's the thing about scales: when you're obese like me (damn, it's weird to say that out loud), it's hard to find a scale that is calibrated for extreme weights. i used to use my doctor visits (yeah, all 3 of them per year) as an excuse to use the scale at the doc's office. it was the only way i knew how to get a semi-accurate weight reading.
well, i bought my own fatgirl scale online (more on that in another post; great site though). yet another site i found for obese people.
i went to the post office today and picked up my package. damn near ran over a squirrel trying to get back to my place so i could test it out. wow. a scale. at home.
i weighed myself. i didn't like what i saw, but i wasn't surprised. i was prepared. but i'll be doggone if i didn't feel empowered by it. dead serious. knowledge truly is power. it truly is. so just having a tool in my house with which i can objectively measure my progress - or lack of the same, if i slack off - is empowering. before, i'd have to rely on the eyeball method. 'i think i lost weight; these pants do feel a wee bit looser...' but now, NOW i have a machine that'll tell me, straight up. awesome.
the goal is to lose 7 or 8 by next friday. let's GO.
Friday, January 16, 2009
A Little At A Time
Splenda... my heart hurts as i read what you wrote. why? because i know you. because i know you've been hurting for a minute, and haven't been ready to deal with it. and i knew that the moment i talked to you over the Christmas break. and the moment i realized you were staying incognito. i get it. i've been there many, many times. so i get it.
you asked how you move, when it hurts?
a little at a time.
if all you can do is two-step, with DJ, do that. two-step for 15 minutes until you can do it for 30. then take a walk for 5 minutes till you can do it for 15. and so forth.
and call me. or DD. or anyone. but don't, please, don't lock yourself away into your own world. that's all i ask.
i love you, sis, and we ARE gonna do this. fuck a competition; we're gonna do this.
you asked how you move, when it hurts?
a little at a time.
if all you can do is two-step, with DJ, do that. two-step for 15 minutes until you can do it for 30. then take a walk for 5 minutes till you can do it for 15. and so forth.
and call me. or DD. or anyone. but don't, please, don't lock yourself away into your own world. that's all i ask.
i love you, sis, and we ARE gonna do this. fuck a competition; we're gonna do this.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Too fat...
I'm too fat to get it crack'en Sugar... I am so unmotivated to do any thing, dance, jump a jack, sit up, or run in place. Hell, i don't even want to cook! I have fallen off the waggon... or maybe the horse "bucked" my fat ass off his back. my body is in pain from the wight. how can I become "active" for my health when it hurts to move?
-Splends Sweet
-Splends Sweet
Saturday, January 10, 2009
GUESS WHO'S BACK
Yes, yes, it's 2009. Happy new year, and what not.
so i've been considering the option to have surgery again. i think if i hadn't already had surgery a few years ago to remove that cyst, i'd be less freaked out about the option. but the very thought of laying on that table, being opened up, and the recovery process... i can't take it.
God knows i like the thought of forcing my stomach NOT to be so hungry all the friggin time... but i still can't bring myself to do the surgery. i haven't ruled it out completely mind you. but i haven't decided on it yet.
i have also come to understand that i have... what's it called? body dysmorphia? basically i see myself differently in my mind's eye than how the rest of the world sees me. and not in a good way. ie, i'm actually much bigger than my mind pictures. don't get me wrong, i do realize i'm fuggin fat. i do realize i'm huge. no doubt about that. but i think i've been big for so long that my brain just ... stopped trying to keep up. also, my boobs are huge; so i don't see my tummy, whereas the rest of the world does. it's frustrating, actually, not being able to see around myself. i thank God for my boobs (thank You!!), but there is no doubt in my mind that they need to reduce in size, along with the rest of me. i literally cannot see beyond them when i look down. so i find myself having to feel around for stuff in the car... or not quite able to see a seat as i back into it, or not quite sure of where my body starts and the next object -- or person -- begins. not a good look.
alright, so it's 2009. that, in and of itself doesn't make a difference in terms of this weightloss goal. simple fact is, i gotta keep going until the goal is actualized. plain and simple. forget about the bet... we have pretty much suspended that indefinitely.
so what's the best way? journal? okay, i can do that. fad diets? been there, done that, not wasting my time or MONEY that way again.
the solution is simple: eat sensibly, MOVE MY BODY OFTEN AND RIGOROUSLY. *the end*
so let's get crackin. tomorrow, i promise to hit the gym for at least 30 minutes.
will keep you posted.
SPLENDA.... let's go!
Yes, yes, it's 2009. Happy new year, and what not.
so i've been considering the option to have surgery again. i think if i hadn't already had surgery a few years ago to remove that cyst, i'd be less freaked out about the option. but the very thought of laying on that table, being opened up, and the recovery process... i can't take it.
God knows i like the thought of forcing my stomach NOT to be so hungry all the friggin time... but i still can't bring myself to do the surgery. i haven't ruled it out completely mind you. but i haven't decided on it yet.
i have also come to understand that i have... what's it called? body dysmorphia? basically i see myself differently in my mind's eye than how the rest of the world sees me. and not in a good way. ie, i'm actually much bigger than my mind pictures. don't get me wrong, i do realize i'm fuggin fat. i do realize i'm huge. no doubt about that. but i think i've been big for so long that my brain just ... stopped trying to keep up. also, my boobs are huge; so i don't see my tummy, whereas the rest of the world does. it's frustrating, actually, not being able to see around myself. i thank God for my boobs (thank You!!), but there is no doubt in my mind that they need to reduce in size, along with the rest of me. i literally cannot see beyond them when i look down. so i find myself having to feel around for stuff in the car... or not quite able to see a seat as i back into it, or not quite sure of where my body starts and the next object -- or person -- begins. not a good look.
alright, so it's 2009. that, in and of itself doesn't make a difference in terms of this weightloss goal. simple fact is, i gotta keep going until the goal is actualized. plain and simple. forget about the bet... we have pretty much suspended that indefinitely.
so what's the best way? journal? okay, i can do that. fad diets? been there, done that, not wasting my time or MONEY that way again.
the solution is simple: eat sensibly, MOVE MY BODY OFTEN AND RIGOROUSLY. *the end*
so let's get crackin. tomorrow, i promise to hit the gym for at least 30 minutes.
will keep you posted.
SPLENDA.... let's go!
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