GUESS WHO'S BACK

Yes, yes, it's 2009. Happy new year, and what not.

so i've been considering the option to have surgery again. i think if i hadn't already had surgery a few years ago to remove that cyst, i'd be less freaked out about the option. but the very thought of laying on that table, being opened up, and the recovery process... i can't take it.
God knows i like the thought of forcing my stomach NOT to be so hungry all the friggin time... but i still can't bring myself to do the surgery. i haven't ruled it out completely mind you. but i haven't decided on it yet.

i have also come to understand that i have... what's it called? body dysmorphia? basically i see myself differently in my mind's eye than how the rest of the world sees me. and not in a good way. ie, i'm actually much bigger than my mind pictures. don't get me wrong, i do realize i'm fuggin fat. i do realize i'm huge. no doubt about that. but i think i've been big for so long that my brain just ... stopped trying to keep up. also, my boobs are huge; so i don't see my tummy, whereas the rest of the world does. it's frustrating, actually, not being able to see around myself. i thank God for my boobs (thank You!!), but there is no doubt in my mind that they need to reduce in size, along with the rest of me. i literally cannot see beyond them when i look down. so i find myself having to feel around for stuff in the car... or not quite able to see a seat as i back into it, or not quite sure of where my body starts and the next object -- or person -- begins. not a good look.

alright, so it's 2009. that, in and of itself doesn't make a difference in terms of this weightloss goal. simple fact is, i gotta keep going until the goal is actualized. plain and simple. forget about the bet... we have pretty much suspended that indefinitely.

so what's the best way? journal? okay, i can do that. fad diets? been there, done that, not wasting my time or MONEY that way again.

the solution is simple: eat sensibly, MOVE MY BODY OFTEN AND RIGOROUSLY. *the end*

so let's get crackin. tomorrow, i promise to hit the gym for at least 30 minutes.

will keep you posted.

SPLENDA.... let's go!